July 30, 2012
A woman so distraught with life jumped in front of the train that my granddaughters and I were traveling on and committed suicide. We were totally oblivious to this tragedy. The train was moving relatively slowly and then it just stopped. A short time later the conductors came to the club car and shared with us what had happened. This tragic event occurred between Kissimmee and Orlando in broad daylight. As the clock relentlessly ticked away what last minute tortuous thoughts poisoned this woman’s resistance in her demonic struggle as she made her way to her chosen death destiny? Destructive forces swirling twirling in a whirlpool of negative energy suck hope into a void of nothingness replacing it with overwhelming depression drowning her soul in a sea of injurious thoughts…whispering voices murmur generating perplexing suggestions of destruction. I wonder about the circumstances that pitched her in to into such an irreversible despair. Gray and black clouds shroud the light that attempts to pierce the heart wanting to infuse positive expectation into veins running cold. Listening ears disappear while loneliness creeps in and kind words percolate in a cesspool of impediments. The heart grows heavy inundated by cruel callous insensitive behavior. Where were the people in her life that would push her to fight through the cobwebs of pessimism and melancholy and not succumb to the agony of defeat? Judgments shot from oozies of insanity traveling faster than the speed of light pierce faith killing it instantly. Children cry in the night for missing mothers. Trauma and abuse her constant companions accompanied her as they wandered together along winding paths overgrown with chaos and madness. Catastrophic energies explode into a cacophony of sound clashing, clanging, banging, humming, buzzing dissonance riding on clatter swish into brain matter destroying the will to survive in the midst of allusion and confusion. Pins and needles shoot through the body numbing senses as the finality of the moment sets in. Die, die, die disembodied voices chant in atonal discord crushing the need to be sane. Die, die, die ,just say good bye command gravelly distant voices… die, die, die, just say goodbye yell strident shrill tones …die, die, die, just say good bye growl raucous guttural urgings … Die…die…die…and say goodbye forever to groveling…to misery…to melancholy…to gloom…to shame. The demonic eye in the center of the emotional storm fixates on impulsivity and the need to act without thought pushes the suffering soul into an abyss of no return. Crushing bones splinter splitting ligaments tearing nerve endings from the root of life ending existence in this plain of poignant pain.
When we feel so hopeless thinking that no one cares…try believing in God! God is love God is compassion. God embodies all that is good in this life. God will cradle us in the midst of our darkest thoughts. He will speak peace to our souls through his sunsets brilliantly colored in beauty and excellence; his sunrises herald new beginnings each day; his stars in the night sky twinkle of goodness and mercy. All we have to do is look up and live! I pray for the soul of this woman. If she has family and children I pray for them as well.
Look up and live!