What is the chief complaint of the black woman in America today?

[Howard R. Lee]

I would like to hear from sistas, black women from all walks of life. I would like you to speak to what you see as your chief complaint. Please don't hold back!

[David B. Byrd]

My chief complaint is that, here in America, it is no longer possible for a Black man (or any man for that matter) to use the skills learned in his life to make a living.  Far too many of us are unemployed, under-employed, or employed in fields other than those in  which we are trained.  This is a tregedy.   

[safirah chinwe]

black women have to be the most misunderstood ethnic demographic of them all. it's so frustrating to accept the decline from where we've come to where we are concerning our treatment from other mankind.

[Bri'on]

“One is loved because one is loved. There is no reason needed for loving.”

 

Amen! In my travels I have seen a spectrum of black love/romance. Everything from the couple of 75 years with scores of kids and grandkids to baby-mamma/daddy drama couples. People seem to gravitate toward what they know and believe. Most of the sista's I know have a multitude of "complaints" about black men, however they still believe in the black experience and continue to love and support us despite our bad behavior.

 

Sometimes people come together only to grow apart, that is life. Rarely does anyone marry their High School sweetheart anymore, that has always been a myth anyway. It sounds nice b/c it is supposed to represent innocent love from beginning to end. We all know better though. The world is vast yet we can "reach out and touch" anyone just about anywhere in the world with the stroke of a few computer digits.

 

I am guessing the chief complaint would be:

1. SHOW ME SOME RESPECT!

 

Respect can go along way. I am talking about respect everywhere a black woman goes not just in a relationship. Respect at the check-out counter, respect at the gas station, respect at the doctor's office, respect at the PTA meeting, respect on the job, just plain and simple R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

 

 

 

SharonB said:

Chief Complaint: The egregious misogynistic attacks on black women.

In his book entitled, Brainwashed: Challenging the Myth of Black Inferiority,  Tom Burrell writes, ”The black woman, who subconsciously considers herself unworthy, has steeled herself to expect less love, less understanding, less compassion.” My answer is an emphatic ‘not so’.  On this topic, I agree with Paulo Coelho when he writes, “One is loved because one is loved. There is no reason needed for loving.”

 

Mr. Burrell’s ‘statement of fact’ is just as troublesome as the pseudo-scientific conclusion reached by Satoshi Kanazawa who asserts women of all races are “more physically attractive than the average, except for black women.”  Attractiveness and “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

 

A moratorium is in effect on the bashing and bullying of black women in music, media, and in mainstream conversations.

 

[Cerrita Mathis]

Wow! this is a very good question but because I keep my complaints to a minimum the one thing that comes to mind is why does "some" not all of our black brothers put such high standards on the sista's when it comes to dating or relationship's, I feel that this is a major concern not only what I see but a lot of women that I mentor bring this subject up as well. My take is this, some things that men consider when chosen someone to date or for a relationship, I understand that there are certain things men have on their list the do's/dont's the will's/wont's and that's accepted and understood we all have some standards when we chose, but the bible states that a man that finds a wife finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22kjv)so to me when do our men consider God's word when it comes to chosen the right one or the "God Ordained One" and keep in mind God already knows what you need, want and desire in a woman it's up to the man to trust God and believe that your secret desire's he (God) knows it's in the women what you can't see and what's not on your lists. My suggestion to all my brothers when you cant make a solid choice "Pray Pray Pray" and ask for clarification and confirmation.

PeaceIn,
Cerrita

[Howard R. Lee]

Safirah,

I am curious, why do you feel the black woman is the most misunderstood ethnic demographic of them all? There has to be a reason you said that. Could you say a little more about why you feel that way?

safirah chinwe said:

black women have to be the most misunderstood ethnic demographic of them all. it's so frustrating to accept the decline from where we've come to where we are concerning our treatment from other mankind.

[Howard R. Lee]

Cerrita,

Could you give an example of the high standards some of our brothers put on dating and/or relationships?

I am not sure what you mean by this and I was hoping you could be a little more specific.

Cerrita Mathis said:

Wow! this is a very good question but because I keep my complaints to a minimum the one thing that comes to mind is why does "some" not all of our black brothers put such high standards on the sista's when it comes to dating or relationship's, I feel that this is a major concern not only what I see but a lot of women that I mentor bring this subject up as well. My take is this, some things that men consider when chosen someone to date or for a relationship, I understand that there are certain things men have on their list the do's/dont's the will's/wont's and that's accepted and understood we all have some standards when we chose, but the bible states that a man that finds a wife finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22kjv)so to me when do our men consider God's word when it comes to chosen the right one or the "God Ordained One" and keep in mind God already knows what you need, want and desire in a woman it's up to the man to trust God and believe that your secret desire's he (God) knows it's in the women what you can't see and what's not on your lists. My suggestion to all my brothers when you cant make a solid choice "Pray Pray Pray" and ask for clarification and confirmation.

PeaceIn,
Cerrita

[safirah chinwe]

hi howard. i appreciate your concern. your question is really loaded but i'll try not to be sooo emotional about the discussion. i've self taught myself on my african heritage physically and spiritually. i believe the alpha female is a black woman, a queen mother who's a helpmate to her king. my thought is that the decline of the (self)respect of the black woman comes from the eradication of black kings. there's so many examples i can give but concerning the diaspora, some african men see their "helpmates" as a chef, baby maker, maid. concerning the US, some african american men see their "helpmates" as leeches through child support, sex objects, gold diggers, angry, etc.   colonization has a lot to do with the black male psyche, which in turn affected the black female psyche.

 

i think the resentment that might be felt from catering to bruised egos has been read as "attitude". i'm always touched by a black man that appreciates and praises the value of his "helpmate"; how he celebrates her subtle wisdom instead of shredding her to pieces before the public eye. where are the fathers of the video vixens and gold diggers? can a judge force you to pay child support if u can prove that u are a competent father? only god can judge the male chauvinists too narrow minded to enjoy their "helpmates". i'm not removing the accountabilty of one's shortcomings. i'm just listing possible causes because i feel they're not considered when some black women are on trial. 

Howard R. Lee said:

Safirah,

I am curious, why do you feel the black woman is the most misunderstood ethnic demographic of them all? There has to be a reason you said that. Could you say a little more about why you feel that way?

safirah chinwe said:

black women have to be the most misunderstood ethnic demographic of them all. it's so frustrating to accept the decline from where we've come to where we are concerning our treatment from other mankind.

[Cerrita Mathis]

Good Afternoon Mr.Lee,

Getting straight to the point, some of the standards that I have experienced myself and some that I have been told in confidence most men dont want a woman with children whether it's one or more, they dont want a woman who does'nt have a college degree,who does'nt own her own home these are just a few that I have personally encountered myself,  but my thing is a woman can have all these things and still not be the "God Ordained One" that's my point.  Again, I stress that we all have our own set of standards that we look for but me personally I dont want a man with all these things and on the other hand, we have nothing in common to talk about, there's no respect for each other, he has no genuine concern for me or my feeling,  I can say or write that I'm loving, caring, giving, respectful, sentitive, supportative, understanding and attentive but these are just words without action and only God knows that these charactericts are true, so how will a man ever truly know this is true about me unless he trust God's choice of the woman to receive all that he has asked for in a particular woman/wife.

When will the men of God who say that they love God really truly trust God totally is the   question?

 

PeaceIn,

Cerrita

 

Howard R. Lee said:

Cerrita,

Could you give an example of the high standards some of our brothers put on dating and/or relationships?

I am not sure what you mean by this and I was hoping you could be a little more specific.

Cerrita Mathis said:

Wow! this is a very good question but because I keep my complaints to a minimum the one thing that comes to mind is why does "some" not all of our black brothers put such high standards on the sista's when it comes to dating or relationship's, I feel that this is a major concern not only what I see but a lot of women that I mentor bring this subject up as well. My take is this, some things that men consider when chosen someone to date or for a relationship, I understand that there are certain things men have on their list the do's/dont's the will's/wont's and that's accepted and understood we all have some standards when we chose, but the bible states that a man that finds a wife finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22kjv)so to me when do our men consider God's word when it comes to chosen the right one or the "God Ordained One" and keep in mind God already knows what you need, want and desire in a woman it's up to the man to trust God and believe that your secret desire's he (God) knows it's in the women what you can't see and what's not on your lists. My suggestion to all my brothers when you cant make a solid choice "Pray Pray Pray" and ask for clarification and confirmation.

PeaceIn,
Cerrita

[Denise Harris]

Complaint about what?  No one can change what a Black man or any other man does with their lives.

Why complain? Black women are the most admired women on the planet. Our beauty, love, and achievements are endless. The plight of some Black men in America is directly related to our families. The misogyny in society has affected us all. With or without a Black man we raise our children and carry on.

Maya Angelou put it best...

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

[Osirian]

I'm not a Black woman, yet my complaint is, when are true Black men gonna stop kissin some Black womens a**** with questions like these?

[Howard R. Lee]

osirian,

I'll address you first, I have two grown daughters, one is 21 years old, the oldest is 26, and I have a 2 year old grand daughter who will grow to be a black woman someday. I think it would make me less than a human being not to care about their perspective. So I don't see it as kissing black women's a**** to pose a question like this. To Safira and Cerrita, I took in more from the points you were making this time, I only want to add this, both of you were speaking about a coin that has two sides to it. Cerrita, men could ask the very same question, When will the women of God who say that they love God really truly trust God totally is the question? that door swings both ways is my point. I am saying this not to discredit anything that you've said, I am only pointing out there is always more than one perspective. It is the coming together, the meeting of the minds that is often the challenge. Just like you want him to understand your struggles you have to be just as willing to understand and empathize with his struggles. In the end I think the question is how do you strengthen each other? Safirah, I think that both the black man and the black woman have been forever damaged by the struggles of our people. I am not discounting anything that you have said but I think we have to heal each other. How many times when a black woman gets with a black man that is treating her poorly is it just a matter of her choosing poorly. There are bad men in every race, conversly there are good men in every race. So how do we teach black women how to stop choosing poorly, be it a black man or any other color man? Just something to consider, I thank the both of you for taking the time to respond to the question, if you have any other thoughts please post them.

[Cerrita Mathis]

Good Afternoon Mr. Howard Lee,

Thank you for your response I totally agree with you with every point that you made, but here's what I want to add, I can see this not only applying to the man but to the woman as well  again remember the bible says: Proverbs 18:22kjv and I quote "When a Man Finds a Wife" quote not when a woman finds a husband, so in reference to that Men need to know that the woman or the wife that he choses is from "God" that's my whole point, And the man will know that he has chosen the "God Ordained One" because everything that you mentioned and pointed out "will" fall into place  with that woman even before marriage now that's the "Favor" of God that is quoted in proverbs.

 

PeaceIn,

Cerrita 

Howard R. Lee said:

osirian,

I'll address you first, I have two grown daughters, one is 21 years old, the oldest is 26, and I have a 2 year old grand daughter who will grow to be a black woman someday. I think it would make me less than a human being not to care about their perspective. So I don't see it as kissing black women's a**** to pose a question like this. To Safira and Cerrita, I took in more from the points you were making this time, I only want to add this, both of you were speaking about a coin that has two sides to it. Cerrita, men could ask the very same question, When will the women of God who say that they love God really truly trust God totally is the question? that door swings both ways is my point. I am saying this not to discredit anything that you've said, I am only pointing out there is always more than one perspective. It is the coming together, the meeting of the minds that is often the challenge. Just like you want him to understand your struggles you have to be just as willing to understand and empathize with his struggles. In the end I think the question is how do you strengthen each other? Safirah, I think that both the black man and the black woman have been forever damaged by the struggles of our people. I am not discounting anything that you have said but I think we have to heal each other. How many times when a black woman gets with a black man that is treating her poorly is it just a matter of her choosing poorly. There are bad men in every race, conversly there are good men in every race. So how do we teach black women how to stop choosing poorly, be it a black man or any other color man? Just something to consider, I thank the both of you for taking the time to respond to the question, if you have any other thoughts please post them.