Soulsville . . .

[Avid Follower]

where a wheel of emotions come into play...awe, love, hate, compassion, passion, ranting, raging, raving, analyzing, finalizing, learning, teaching, wisdom, outlook, alpha/omega, laughing, crying, dying, hoping, change, faith, courage, self-identification, assessment, criticism, success, failure and joy...was all yesterday's news.

Soulsville . . .

whose humanity decries all men are equal.

 

Soulsville . . .

great philosophers reign.

 

Soulsville . . .

thought-provoking, intelligent and stimulating conversations.

 

Soulsville . . .

enlightenment and strength today.

 

Soulsville . . . the future is now.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright © 2011

[Patrick Haltiwanger]

"ooo, you told me you had a thing for soul food, so I put tears in the mashed potatoes..."

painstakingly reserved
reclusively guarded
pain internalized
rarely disregard it
ridiculed by family
my parents namely
hate their transparency
and social conformity
better value my privacy
and God-given individuality
livin' lies
strangers to self internally
fillin' voids
superficially and externally
born into their lie and misery
want freedom and self-expression for me
my emancipation is my mission
focused on my spiritual expedition
family reunions expect my absence
sick of mediocrity, time we bring
some authority to our presence
mom so bitter and jaded
'cause he stole her honey
that pain has never faded
sadly it only spread to me
afraid to love
convinced they'll eventually hurt me
subliminally taught everyone is out
to harm, use, and get me
bred and fueled by my insecurities
he's a pessimist and cynic
presence like ants to ruin the picnic
never wanna be anything like 'im
pray for optimism and equilibrium
mom never let her guard down
assertive like there's a new sheriff in town
barely showed any sign of weakness
I'm just like her, blues and numbness
get hurt, don't forgive, we're just done
won't show anything about me
that'll put bullets in someone's gun
afraid they'll shoot me down
ugh! more like him than I care to be
turnin' out like him
scares the hell out of me
so I lie dormant
and harvest self torment
love my parents but I realize
I don't have to be anything like them
not only because I never will be
but because I don't want to be
this struggle isn't just personal
it's also biblical
find solace and refuge
in the fact it's also universal
no one really has a clue
this is just MY shade of blue...

[Avid Follower]

Them mashed potatoes taste real good with just the right amount of salt with all real 100% natural ingredients.

Don't let nobody fool you and say they don't.

It is so good to be free to

be yourself.

Preserve your light so others may see.

Patrick Haltiwanger said:

"ooo, you told me you had a thing for soul food, so I put tears in the mashed potatoes..."

painstakingly reserved
reclusively guarded
pain internalized
rarely disregard it
ridiculed by family
my parents namely
hate their transparency
and social conformity
better value my privacy
and God-given individuality
livin' lies
strangers to self internally
fillin' voids
superficially and externally
born into their lie and misery
want freedom and self-expression for me
my emancipation is my mission
focused on my spiritual expedition
family reunions expect my absence
sick of mediocrity, time we bring
some authority to our presence
mom so bitter and jaded
'cause he stole her honey
that pain has never faded
sadly it only spread to me
afraid to love
convinced they'll eventually hurt me
subliminally taught everyone is out
to harm, use, and get me
bred and fueled by my insecurities
he's a pessimist and cynic
presence like ants to ruin the picnic
never wanna be anything like 'im
pray for optimism and equilibrium
mom never let her guard down
assertive like there's a new sheriff in town
barely showed any sign of weakness
I'm just like her, blues and numbness
get hurt, don't forgive, we're just done
won't show anything about me
that'll put bullets in someone's gun
afraid they'll shoot me down
ugh! more like him than I care to be
turnin' out like him
scares the hell out of me
so I lie dormant
and harvest self torment
love my parents but I realize
I don't have to be anything like them
not only because I never will be
but because I don't want to be
this struggle isn't just personal
it's also biblical
find solace and refuge
in the fact it's also universal
no one really has a clue
this is just MY shade of blue...

[Avid Follower]

"Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul nobler and stronger than it was before." -James Buckham

[Patrick Haltiwanger]

I love the "Soulsville" piece.
I'm starving... feed me humanity and creativity.
Do you have any insight on creativity as a blessing and a curse?

my pillow reeks of dried tears
my heart breaks questions like
why do I love you?
enough though I don't want to
holster my weapon
the lovelorn pistol
I question to save your life or take it
your answer would make it
do you believe in my love
etched on the bullet
my heart has a firm grasp on the trigger
hurry up and answer, I'm tempted to pull it
caution, please save you believe
or be on the ouch end of my bullet...

[Ms Kerry]

Good reading. Thanks.

[Avid Follower]

There are and have been successful well known people who have gone through a painful childhood conditioning and produce(d) magnificent work that touch the heart of others only to have been haunted by the memories and innermost turmoil coupled with constant feelings of needing to escape or "necessary sacrifices". Mr. Michael Jackson, RIP, and the corporate successful mother who neglects her children, comes to mind. Gifts of creativity can be a blessing and curse for not accepting one's self as the unique person he or she is. Millions of dollars have been spent in aesthetic purposes and escape mechanisms when the person was loved for who they were before these actions. Failure to achieve a proper balance of success with other personal aspects of self will not bring peace but a constant inner turmoil, conflict and unhappiness that will translate into a bad temper, poor health and being hard on others. The gift then becomes a curse - just like what we witness in the lives of the rich and famous. I feel like I'm preaching to the choir. Please forgive me. The book, "Healing the Child Within" by Charles L. Whitfield, M.D., © 1987, reprint 1989, has a "Personal Bill of Rights" for integrating transformations into our lives. The local library should have a copy. Thanks for liking "Soulsville". I'm glad to know this.

 

Patrick Haltiwanger said:

"my pillow reeks of dried tears" . . . 'hurry up and answer, I'm tempted to pull it

caution, please save you believe
or be on the ouch end of my bullet...' "

 

is very visual to me. I can see men or women of all races acting this out in a movie while the words are being said in the background using their own dialect.  Ka-ching!

 

[Avid Follower]

A Personal Bill of Rights
By: Charles L. Whitfield M.D.

1. I have numerous choices in my life beyond mere survival.
2. I have the right to discover and know my Child Within.
3. I have the right to grieve over what I didn't get that I needed or what I got that I didn't need or want.
4. I have the right to follow my own values and standards. 
5. I have the right to recognize and accept my own value system as appropriate. 
6. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe or it violates my values.
7. I have the right to dignity and respect. 
8. I have the right to make decisions. 
9. I have the right to determine and honor my own priorities. 
10. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others. 
11. I have the right to terminate conversations with people who make me feel put down and humiliated. 
12. I have the right not to be responsible for others behavior, actions, feelings or problems. 
13. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect. 
14. I have the right to expect honesty from others. 
15. I have the right to all of my feelings. 
16. I have the right to be angry at someone I love. 
17. I have the right to be uniquely me, without feeling that I'm not good enough. 
18. I have the right to feel scared and to say, "I'm afraid."
19. I have the right to experience and then let go of fear, guilt and shame. 
20. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings, my judgement or any reason that I choose. 
21. I have the right to change my mind at any time. 
22. I have the right to be happy. 
23. I have the right to stability, i.e., "roots" and stable healthy relationships of my choice. 
24. I have the right to my own personal space and time needs. 
25. I have the right to be relaxed, playful and frivolous. 
26. I have the right to be flexible and be comfortable with doing so. 
27. I have the right to change and grow. 
28. I have the right to be open to improve my communication skills so that I may be understood. 
29. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people. 
30. I have the right to be in a nonabusive environment. 
31. I have the right to be healthier than those around me. 
32. I have the right to take care of myself, no matter what. 
33. I have the right to grieve over actual or threatened losses. 
34. I have the right to trust others who earn my trust. 
35. I have the right to forgive others and to forgive myself. 
36. I have the right to give and to receive unconditional love.

[Patrick Haltiwanger]

I always think of Michael Jackson myself, when I ask that question. Lauryn Hill, Frankie Lymon, Elvis, and Prince = the exploitation and misrepresentation of their gifts, from the greed of manmade materialism. Suddenly what's so sacred to you becomes a burden. It leads to depression and reclusion, an unhealthy lifestyle, and unfortunately in some cases your demise.

I didn't have a tumultuous upbringing. I was reared by a beautiful, intelligent, and strong woman.

I've just always been the "artsy smartsy" misunderstood one. Surrounded by glib individuals with mainstream thought processes, and I just don't relate to them.
I feel the loneliest around family members, because I have to lukewarm myself for them to "get it".

I don't want my gifts to be tainted. I'm heartistically expressive. I do it for the pure sake of creation, and because refusing is like purposely not breathing. If I profit from it, let it happen naturally. I don't want the pressure of manmade materialism and greed.

I feel like a scatterbrain at the moment. Thanks for the insight and advice. I can tell you really understand. I love those Personal Bill of Rights! I'm speaking those into existence.

[Avid Follower]

Iced Tea with Lemon

  sweat dripping

Cornbread Yellow

  glistning

Company's Coming!

Looks like this

   is gonna be

   a winner!

 

[Patrick Haltiwanger]

"just the other day,
I thought about you so hard,
I blew my ice cream."

[Bri'on]

Whoa! Those are real tears! Break the cycle my brutha.   ;-)

Patrick Haltiwanger said:

"ooo, you told me you had a thing for soul food, so I put tears in the mashed potatoes..."

painstakingly reserved
reclusively guarded
pain internalized
rarely disregard it
ridiculed by family
my parents namely
hate their transparency
and social conformity
better value my privacy
and God-given individuality
livin' lies
strangers to self internally
fillin' voids
superficially and externally
born into their lie and misery
want freedom and self-expression for me
my emancipation is my mission
focused on my spiritual expedition
family reunions expect my absence
sick of mediocrity, time we bring
some authority to our presence
mom so bitter and jaded
'cause he stole her honey
that pain has never faded
sadly it only spread to me
afraid to love
convinced they'll eventually hurt me
subliminally taught everyone is out
to harm, use, and get me
bred and fueled by my insecurities
he's a pessimist and cynic
presence like ants to ruin the picnic
never wanna be anything like 'im
pray for optimism and equilibrium
mom never let her guard down
assertive like there's a new sheriff in town
barely showed any sign of weakness
I'm just like her, blues and numbness
get hurt, don't forgive, we're just done
won't show anything about me
that'll put bullets in someone's gun
afraid they'll shoot me down
ugh! more like him than I care to be
turnin' out like him
scares the hell out of me
so I lie dormant
and harvest self torment
love my parents but I realize
I don't have to be anything like them
not only because I never will be
but because I don't want to be
this struggle isn't just personal
it's also biblical
find solace and refuge
in the fact it's also universal
no one really has a clue
this is just MY shade of blue...

[Bri'on]

Who am I:
I am pain, joy, laughter, anger, love (unconditional), & free

 

I am many emotions in an emotionless place

At least for my gender, my race

 

I am supposed to be pure rage and nothing else

 

If I express tenderness toward my woman
I am considered weak

 

If I express tenderness toward my fellow brother
I am considered gay

 

If I express tenderness toward my children
then I am using them for selfish measures

 

If I express tenderness toward my mother
I am considered a "Mama's Boy"

 

If I express tenderness toward my father
I am considered to be just like him...

"Who is just like me!!!"
I am pain, joy, laughter, anger, love (unconditional), & free
I am many emotions in an emotionless place